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Today is my tenth wedding anniversary. In thinking about how we’ve managed to avoid killing one another and ending up with our very own episode of Snapped, I put together a list of marital advice. It’s a short list. After ten years, we’re still working out the kinks.

1. It ain’t all sunshine and rose petals. You know those fairy tales where the prince sweeps the princess off her feet and they move into the castle and live happily ever after? Let me tell you about happily ever after. While there is sunshine and roses, there is also a fair share of pestilence and plague. It gets tough at times. Life isn’t some Technicolor movie Disney wrote accompanied by an annoying theme song. Yeah, I’m alluding to Frozen. I don’t know what chick is holding on to but for goodness sakes, let it go and shut the heck up! Marriage isn’t always a fairytale but it ain’t bad either.

2. So, he loads the dishwasher wrong, get over it. Even though I’m relatively sure my way is the right way, it doesn’t necessarily mean his way is completely wrong. I had to grit my teeth to say it but that’s the truth. He may not fold the towels the so-called “right way” either and shrinks some stuff in the dryer every now and then but at least he’s willing to help. Note to self: Remember these words the next time your brand new cashmere sweater comes out of the laundry looking like it was bought in the children’s department.

3. Practice selflessness not selfishness. You want Chinese for dinner and he’s got a hankering for chips and salsa. Skip the egg rolls and get a chimichanga. After you’ve had a stressful day at work filled with conference calls, meetings and mounds of paperwork, your man says, “Baby, how’s about rubbing my feet?” Instead of responding in a voice more akin to nails down a chalkboard, “Me rub your feet? I worked all day, drove home in bumper to bumper traffic, picked up YOUR dry cleaning, got YOUR prescription and brought home YOUR dinner and NOW, you have the audacity to ask me to rub YOUR feet?”, try responding in a more loving tone with a simple “Sure”. FYI: Selfless acts such as those outlined above can be used at a later date to manipulate your partner into getting your way. However, marital experts advise against it. I am not a marital expert. I said practice selflessness. I didn’t say you had to perfect it.

4. Pray for a good sense of humor if you don’t already have one. You got a mother-in-law that couldn’t get along with Jesus Christ himself. Laugh with your girlfriends over her antics instead of taking it out on your husband. Trust me. I learned this one the hard way. You burn a pan of brownies and right about the time your husband is waving the front door back and forth like a maniac in a frantic attempt to stop the smoke detectors from beeping like nuclear missiles being activated, your dinner guests show up. Learn to laugh. It comes in handy.

5. Do what Marvin Gaye sang about and GET IT ON. You know what I’m talking about, SEX. It’s great bonding for a couple (not to be confused with bondage, get your mind out of the gutter) and an exciting way to pass the time when CBS slips in a rerun of Hawaii 5-0 instead of the new episode you’d been waiting all week to air. In addition, it helps relieve stress, boosts your immune system, and is great cardio, definitely more exciting than the elliptical at the gym. Flu season is fastly approaching and now, this Ebola bacteria’s on the loose. Take the lid off the cookie jar and start boosting that immune system.

Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.