Sitting in Church Sunday morning, I prayed God would give me a revelation regarding our Halloween costumes for that night’s annual trunk or treat. Originally, I had come up with the idea of having Brian wear his tux and me a gold sequined cocktail dress going as James Bond and one of the sexy Bond girls. Hey now, I may not be the now infamous seductress Pussy Galore from the classic Bond flick “Goldfinger” but let me throw on a shiny gilded cocktail dress and matching spiked heels and I’ll give her a run for her money, at least in my husband’s eyes. After some thought, I figured the only way to truly get the Bond, James Bond theme across would be with martini glasses, shaken not stirred, roulette tables reminiscent of Monte Carlo and a plethora of pistols, rifles and shotguns none of which belonged in the Church parking lot surrounded by children all well under the age of accountability.

Somewhere between Amazing Grace and the closing prayer, an idea popped into my head. Saturday, the University of Tennessee suffered a most embarrassing loss at the hands of our beloved Crimson Tide. What better way to memorialize this defeat than to decorate our trunk as a tailgating scene between two opposing fans. I drew the short stick and had to dress in the bright orange of the Tennessee Volunteers looking vaguely similar to Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin, something ex-coach Phil Fulmer could surely relate to on the sidelines in his bright orange track suit.

Brian and I were decked out like two fanatical fans, one a Rammer Jammer houndstooth loving Alabama fan and the other a Rocky Top singing Go Big Orange yelling devotee passing out candy to little witches, mini Minnie Mouses, army men, famous sports figures, and a variety of Disney princesses. Not only were our football teams opposing, so were our theories on candy. Mine: Buy only candy you despise so as not to eat any. Brian’s: Buy only candy you love, eat as much as you can while you pass it out and then get sick on whatever’s left over.

Our basket was full of Sweet Tarts, Laffy Taffy, Nerds, Twizzlers and grape flavored Bubble Yum. I had stocked up at Family Dollar on all my least favorite candies. Brian was all kinds of tore up because we had no Snickers, no Kit Kats, and absolutely no Twix. They might as well have been crack cocaine, crystal meth and a handful of OxyContins as far as I was concerned. I had a plan to help me abstain from Halloween candy and there was no deviating.

And, it was working. Right up until the time I spotted Captain America’s trunk filled with Kit Kats.

And so it begins, a two month march to New Year’s Day, candy corn, pumpkin pie, Santa Claus cookies, and coconut cake all along the way. The next two months are a blur of social functions filled with tradition, deep-fried Cajun rubbed turkeys, honey baked spiral cut hams, and pots full of black-eyed peas with a dime for good luck. Four back to back holidays revolving around food.

It was going to take me, Jesus and a set of scales to get through the next two months. Help me Jesus!

Galatians 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
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